What a week...

I have no idea where to start. This past week was exhausting. After turning in my entire life on Friday, I spent the night relaxing. I don't recall what happened exactly, but there was a lot of sleep involved. That night I watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona with my best friend Gillian.

The film was enjoyable, but a bit disappointing. I had been looking forward to watching it, due to its passionate and sexual nature. Basically, the premise is that two women (guess who) go on a trip to Barcelona, they meet a gorgeous spanish painter, and end up involved in a crazy love square(?) because the man's ex-wife comes back into his life. At one point in time, Cristina (Scarlett Johansson), Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem), and his ex-wife Maria Elena (Penelope Cruz) are living under the same roof, all completely infatuated with each other. Yes, there is girl-on-girl action. I do love the fact that Woody Allen questions traditional relationship ideas and such. Javier Bardem is a sexy motherfucker, but Penelope Cruz is the one that truly sizzles. Her role as an unstable and gorgeous artist is positively engaging. She's that crazy girl that is an absolute genius, can love you until you collapse, and then will proceed to stab you, but literally. Anyways, an enjoyable film, but could have been better I guess.

Moving on...

Saturday was Valentine's Day, of course. Gillian and I went on a mission, delivering Valentines to close friends, shopping a bit, and eating Thai food. Being anti-Valentine's, I wore my pink I Love Men shirt. Gillian looked a bit like mix between a love fairy and a harlot. The homeless men in Capital Hill had a bit too much fun with commenting on her outfit. The event was not documented in part because we were anonymous in our excursion. The day was lovely and eventful. That night Gillian and I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist with Julia.

I love this movie. It's precious, to say the least. The soundtrack is pretty damn good too. It chronicles the adventure of two strangers that we all wish we could have.

Today started with waking up to Bridget calling me, and then falling back asleep. Speaking to an angry Gillian, and then rushing to Bridget's house. We went to Discovery Park, accompanied by Bridget's mother Moira and their dogs Bart and Tip. Bridget and I took a nice, long run, the first I've taken in too long. It hurt so good. After the park, we went to Red Mill Burgers, where I had the most incredible veggie burger. I realize that's a bit of an oxymoron, but really. I don't lie about these things. Errands. Shower. Sleep.

What followed was a great deal of self-inflicted confusion. I have not seen D in a week or so, and I feel incredibly needy. I need some emotional satisfaction, which completely disgusts me. I don't need that... That's not me... Or at least I'd like to think so. In any case, I have completely lost it. I could probably explain it more, but I'm tired and feeling sleep-deprived. I'll leave you with two quotes stolen from a wonderful little blog called Una Bella Vita. One is from a movie, I assume. The other is from the most terrific author, Erica Jong. The woman was a significant figure in the sexual revolution, and I completley idolize her above just about every other person on earth. She's who I turn to for a dose of inspiration to continue to drive me in my independence. For this reason, this quote by her, about love and being vulnerable is all the more powerful.

"We think there is always a tomorrow, so why expose our feelings today? Why risk being vulnerable? Why take the chance? Because today, what we love, what we feel, what is real, is what we have. Tomorrow, it may all change."
- Small Miracles

"I'm going to tell you something really subverse. Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, and risking everything for. And if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
- Erica Jong

Listening to:

A delicious slice of soul. Check it out.

I'm Still Breathing...Hardly.

On today, Friday the 13th of February, 2009 I have 3 papers due. 2 World Literature papers, which have to be 1000-2000 words, and the dreadful Extended Essay which is usually between 3000 and 4000 words. If you don't really know about my study habits, let me tell you...I'm a hardcore procrastinator. Senioritis has hit me hard. I have skipped classes the past three days of school to "work" on these papers, but unfortunately I did not accomplish much. Last night/ this morning, I edited my rough drafts minimally and didn't even proofread them. The point is, I'm done and I don't even give a shit anymore. I'm so tired this post probably doesn't make much sense. It's hard to be poetic when it's almost 5am and you've slept a whole 10 hours in the past week. I don't actually know how much I've slept, but not enough. I'm just glad to be done. This weekend is going to kill. :)

Clarity.

Beyond amazing.

Paranoia...

Should not exist.

Santogold captures my feelings quite nicely.

Black Balloon

I adore the Kills. The duo create rough, sexy, jumbled rock n' roll. I haven't gotten their album Midnight Boom, but I really enjoy the shit that I've heard. It's a bit like someone throwing a trash can at your head while you drunkenly walk home with a stranger whose gender is questionable. It's a bit of a mess. I don't think their music is for everyone, but I like it. They just came out with a new video for the gorgeously sollem song "Black Balloon". The frontwoman, Alison Mosshart is a raging machine fueled by sex. Love her.

Optimism

How very refreshing.

I Think I'm Ready...

So it appears that my prayers to the blog gods have been answered. I'm talking of course about being romantically involved with someone. This may seem as if it's coming out of nowhere, but it most definitely isn't. I feel a bit awkward blogging about my personal life, but this is something I just need to get out. So the story goes: I was seeing this guy during the summer and since we've had a bit of a falling out. Before this, I met his roomate and we became fast friends. After guy A and I stopped talking much, guy B and I started hanging out, but completely platonically. At the time, B had a boyfriend. Even so, there was undeniable chemistry. So to sum it up, B broke up with his boyfriend (not because of me!) and we started hanging out more and "seeing" each other I guess. This all sounds so slutty, but I don't care. The thing is, I am not someone who does commited relationships or monogomy ever. Sure I've had boyfriends, but they never last very long. Even then, those relationships were two years ago. Since then I've dated around, matured, and have learned a lot about myself. Now that I've met D (previously known as B), I can quite honestly see something more serious happening. I think I'm ready for it. I'm a bit scared because I have trouble opening up, but I think I'm ready for some stability.

Dating is so ridiculous though. The two people involved are always nervous to impress the other person and do not neccesarily act like themselves all the time. With me, I had a bout of paranoia over the past few days, worried about the status of our...thing, when in fact everything seems to be just fine.

This post seems jumbled and awkward, just like the situation. Goodnight.

KATY PERRY!

I have been a fan of Katy Perry since seeing her video for the song "Ur So Gay" over a year ago. From the beginning, I could tell she was sassy little spitfire, much like myself. I immediately bought her EP Ur So Gay, realeased in 2007, which also featured a remix of the title track, the song "Lost", and my newfound anthem "Use Your Love". Time passed and I continued following this quirky young singer faithfully. I believe it was spring when I first heard "I Kissed a Girl" on suprisingly enough, 107.7 The End, Seattle's biggest alternative station. We all know how that turned out, becoming the #1 overplayed song of all time aside from some Rihanna shit. *Giggle* I will even admit to being annoyed after hearing it 130891340814 times, but I can listen to it now without any such annoyance. The storm has calmed.

Ur So Gay
Ur So Gay


Her debut CD as Katy Perry (believe it or not she put out a Christian album years ago under the name Katy Hudson) was relased on June 17, 2008. I bought it on the same day. One of the Boys rapidly became my summer soundtrack. I listened to it constantly, and plugged it to my friends as much as possible. The album covers everything. Did I mention she writes all of her own songs? Happy, sad, angry, or "Lost" (clever, I know), there's a song for just about every situation. Katy played Warped tour later, though I was not able to/didn't feel like going. I would have loved to see her show, but I didn't want to spend all that money and have to deal with going to good old George, Washington. I hoped for a tour, with a stop in Seattle, of course. I got just that when she announced the Hello Katy Tour sometime in the fall. I alerted my best friend Gillian as soon as I heard, and bought two tickets the very second they came out. Last night, was the show.

After a long week of the suckfest of senior year, it was perfect. Gill, dressed in a cute blue dress, spandex, and chucks and I in a ridiculous gold sequined shirt, black jeans, and vans arrived downtown a little while after 6. Doors were going to be opened at 7, and there was already a line full of mostly tweens, their parents, random old people, and teengaers around the block. We waited in the cold, practically naked for the conditions, for an hour or so and then went in. The opening band was a bit, lame, but it was all ok. We were going to see Katy Perry after all...

She came out, adorable as ever, in a sparkly pink bustier and black pantaloons, looking like a glam ballerina. The first song she played, "Fingerprints" is a inspirational little rockfest about leaving your mark on those around you. During the song, she
POINTED AT ME! I felt like a fourteen year-old girl at a boy band concert in the early 2000s. I wanted to melt. I screamed in Gillian's general direction. She sang to me two or three other times, making the show all the better for me. I sang every word, while many others who had come for "I Kissed a Girl" and "Hot N Cold" just stood their like idiots. I won't lie, most of the crowd was pretty lame other than the playing of those songs and a couple other dancey tracks. It didn't even bother me. One most likely drunk girl and her friend were up front, and the girl chooses to dance all up on me. It was a good laugh, as you could tell by my shirt that I was most definitely uninterested, but I applauded her exhibition. The two drunks left early, and she told me "I want you to have it", meaning the spot. I was overjoyed, exclaiming "Thanks babe!" I was the hardcore fan I am, dancing and jumping up and down, trying my best to lose my voice. Katy danced, jumped, rubbed herself, played the guitar like a motherfucker, and flirted with an unamused bodyguard. She was fantastic even while she wasn't playing. She told hilarious stories and made silly jokes, not abstaining from using her dirty mouth or making raunchy gestures just because there were kids present. She even provided sound advice and assurance before the bonus track "I Think I'm Ready" telling the crowd that love is an incredible thing that we will all find one day. She went backstage after that, as if it were over. Some people even thought she was done without playing "I Kissed a Girl". What a joke.

She came out dressed in a tight leopard-print catsuit, which even had a tail! Cat ears and Fuck Me Pumps topped off the look. She played a cover, took off her shoes and closed with "I Kissed a Girl". Everyone was dancing, screaming, making fools out of themselves. It was amazing. I was lucky enough to purchase a $30 for $29 and then we exited into the cold world. Gill and I took a detour to Capitol Hill, went to MacDonald's on the way home, and feasted in baggy sweats at her house. In bed, we talked about everything, like good friends do. This night was perfect.



Update: Here's a picture from the show, stolen from Miz Perry's MySpace.

So cute.

This Gives Me Goosebumps.

Barack Obama's Inaguration was four days ago, but I have yet to post anything about it. I am so full of hope by this man's election that I could explode. For once in my life, I appreciate the govenment. I sincerely hope that Obama brings our country the CHANGE he has promised, and I wish him the best of luck. His historical election fills me with hapiness. I've had it will old white guys. It is lovely to see the country start to edge out from shadow of traditionalism and prejudice. Just one request Barack: Get behind the new civil rights movement. The LGBT community is counting on you.
This is an incredible thing to see (stolen from Katy Perry's blog):

It makes it all the more real.

Beyonce sings Etta James' "At Last" at the Neighborhood Ball on Inauguration night.

Perfect. The appreciation Beyonce shows in her face is absolutely priceless. If only I could understand how that felt...

Love everyone :)

Spaceman

This is The Killers' new music video for "Spaceman". It's an orgasm for the eyes, and the song isn't too shabby either. Happy dance music.

The Killers - New Music - More Music Videos

I need to pick up a copy of Day and Age. And THAT OUTFIT.

Perfect

Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough. From Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette's "Perfect" sarcastically imitates the expectations imposed on us by our parents.

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

I Want to Hold Your Hand

Ahhh, the Beatles. Surely, they knew everything. Today I had the oddest urge. I just wanted to hold some one's hand. Of course, not just any one's hand, but someone I had some type of romantic relationship with. I guess for other people this isn't that odd, but I am not a relationship/love/romantic-type at all. In fact, I often find myself afraid of love. Now, I'm not saying I want to be IN LOVE, I just think having someone for once would be nice. Therein lies a problem. Sure, I like someone. I like more than one someone, but I do not foresee anything forming with these people for various reasons that will not be disclosed. As I write this, I'm hear myself sounding like the same whiny, dependant people I despise. Just to be clear, I am writing solely due to a physical desire that coincidentally most often happens among people with emotional attachment. I think I may be contradicting myself. That is where I stop.

Agyness and some dude* in VOGUE.
My subscription ended over a month ago and I haven't yet renewed.
I need to go pick up a copy.
:)

Note: "some dude" turns out to be Albert Hammond Jr. He is Agyness Dey's fiancee and a guitarist in the band The Strokes. Model-Rocker love is so perfectly cliche.

It's been a while since I've posted, but for good reason. An amazing guy, William Somota, was hit by a drunk driver, sent to the hospital in critical condition, and died the following day. I believe it was the 4th. I don't know William all that well. He went to school with me until he graduated and I would see him here and there. Even so, I was very shocked and upset by the news of his passing. Every time I saw him, he would be unbelievably sweet and always accepting. I saw him for New Years at our friend Jessie's house. He was so happy, playing guitar, that infectious smile spread across his face. A perfect night to remember him by.

Today was his funeral.

Dressed in black, Julie and I politely pushed ourselves into a building at Bonney Watson funeral home. The place was packed. Parking took at least twenty minutes. The ceremony was difficult to hear, some of it not even being in English (William's family is from Laos). His best friends and family spoke of their memories and experiences, causing plenty of tears from those listening. After the ceremony and walking by his open casket, I broke down walking with Julie on the way to the car. I cried once briefly before this, but I've felt mostly numb since William's death.

Life is unfair. It's unfortunate that some one's life can be so swiftly taken from them. For William's sake, I hope there is a god. He deserves eternal life, if there is such a thing.

R.I.P. William Somota. You will not be forgotten.

Love you dude.

Criminal

Listening to Extraordinary Machine made me think of my favorite song by Fiona Apple called "Criminal". The video is incredible too. Raw, Sexy, Perfect.

A New Year

It is now 2009, the year I graduate. Even so, I don't feel like anything is different, nor do I have any particularly significant new years resolutions. Today was my last day working at Normandy Park Athletic. Quitting my job was part of a resolution, I guess. I feel that school needs to be my focus. We shall see how that goes...

I spent some of last night at my friend Sam's house for some good clean fun. After 10 I was at a lovely girl named Jessie's casa for a more illegal party. The night was a great time. I even got hit in the head with a hot dog. I didn't know many people at Jessie's, but I love meeting new people and making new friends, which is exactly what I did. My New Years kiss was with the female me, a girl named Leandra, who coincidentally lives in the same Capital Hill apartment building as a couple guys I know. I'm not a girl-kisser often, but this innocent peck made perfect sense. I think I remember Ado, Jessie's brother, giving me a smooch just for good measure. After many went home, I spent some quality time with Jessie's toilet, involuntarily ridding myself of the entire contents of my stomach. I'm good at taking care of myself.

I went to bed on the sofa, without a blanket, freezing and dreaming of deserted grocery stores and a physical fight with one of my best friends, Julie. After waking for the 5th time, I drove home (sober), went back to bed for a few hours, and then went to work at 3. My last day was strange, but pleasant. Visits to my former place of employment will be happening in the near future.

I'm not sure what I want or expect for this year, but I look forward to watching my life unfold. I am very lucky. I'm surrounded by fabulous people who love me and will soon be fleeing the coop to start life on my own. This might be heaven.

Currently Listening to: